PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
