R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You are the jesus of drinking
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
