Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
