Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
