I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
