Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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