So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
