She's JV to your varsity
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
