I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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