My nipple is on Facebook.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
