Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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