I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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