i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
