I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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