just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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