a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This couple is walking their pig around campus
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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