dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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