so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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