I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
