U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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