you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
