9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got inside last night via doggy door
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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