Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize
