Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
