Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
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I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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