Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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