This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
