We need to rekindle our bromance
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
