why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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