it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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