I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
