so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
