As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize