someone threw a dead crab at me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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