I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
