Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
