Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
