i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
