Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
