Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
