this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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