I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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