The maid of honor just puked.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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