he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
