So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I looked at my own cervix.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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