The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
