Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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