I accidentally burped into my bong.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
