i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
