I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
