4 words: hood of his car
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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