btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
