I hate all girls vehemently.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
