is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
