just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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