I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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