Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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