I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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