I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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