C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
