You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
