hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
