I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's shark week go big or go home
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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