I smell stomach acid.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
